Tried to write a good intro for ages. Then I realised that in three and a half hours my alarm will be going off so I'll be on time for my 14hr shift, cooking Christmas lunch to people that are either too damn privledged or stupid to make it themselves. So I won't be having dinner today surrounded by friends and loved ones. But if you are and you're going anywhere near a Turkey, consider the following advice from the man himself.
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